it's another busy saturday and in fact, i've never had any free time for
i'm still alive after going through all these for 2 months consecutively without fail at all .. i've been spending all my time with books, books and B-O-O-K-S.. i know that i did study, but sometimes i would wonder whether what i have studied is more than enough without even doing revision.. i admit i'm too lazy, but there's something pushing me too, though .. i'm lack of confidence and support, but what am i to do when ... ... ... well, i've no proper words for that statement.. i simply don't know what to write.. i'm so lack of confidence (??) ISIMPLYDONTKNOWATALL .. sigh .. dear Lord, please bless me with a better future eventhough it could last for just a few minutes.. i would appreciate it well without complaining, i promise..
currently, i am facing some issues that i can hardly solve eventhough it's just a small issue.. effa and gang is complaining that they don't like that way how WE are cooperating.. i mean, i would tolerate with person A, but she wouldn't cooperate with me.. i tau i ada kuasa yang lebih besar tetapi apa boleh saya buat apabila ada orang yang tarak guna langsung mau lawan saya secara mental ?? i mean, it's like person A is trying to be the boss of herself and i know that very well, but i have to do my part to avoid the conflict between person A and i .. i can't cause a conflict and let the cooperation die like that especially in a group of humans of around 50 people and yet, the situation now is that we're having a big function.. i hate to break this up-lahh, but i HATE doing most of the decisions and HATE not knowing anything when majority of the people knows what is happening just BEHIND MY DUMB ASS BACK.. i can't take this anymore and i mean this very seriously.. SIGH ..
second item, i'm under a very big process of trying to study as hard as possible to get my ass into ngee aun poly or maybe prefreably into singapore poly cause it's nearer to where i would be staying =p i want to have a bright future and right up until today, i am still undecided on what to work as and since i don't know what to work as, how am i going to take up the career courses ?? i wanna go for music very badly, i wanna fly in the air very badly, i wanna play in the orchestra very badly and i wanna go for a job that is indeed very challenging, but i know i have to give them all up.. i have to think of the person who i love.. there're so many things for ALY LOH to think of.. i have an unfixed future, unfixed career and an unfixed work or maybe even more than that .. ihatealloftheseandimeanthemseriously.. life is simply very complicating when you're undecided and don't know where to head your next destination..
i guess i just got too carried away with my complaints for now.. i seriously need a nervous break down from now onwards .. i'll head to my thinking room and give more thought on my problems..